A psuedo psychic and detective buy a ring
by TFALokiwriter
Summary: Shawn and Lassiter walk into a jewelry store and pretend to be gay. Don't worry. It is part of a case.


A dark man and a white man walked into The Jewelry store. Both of whom were familiar. They appeared to be somewhere in their twenties but looks can be deceiving. The dark man had a buttoned up tucked in shirt while the white man didn't. Sharp contrasts of one another. The clerk, Andy Steven, behind the counter had seen these two about three weeks ago when a man had come in and shot four customers. It had taken the Santa Barbara Police Department five days to solve the case with the consultant of the psychic Shawn Spencer. He was new. Solved the cases that were seemingly impossible to solve. He had been out of business for a week after the case had been solved. Business had just returned to normal. And his shady dealings had recently resumed.

Thank god the police were not investigating him.

Or else his illegal trade with diamonds would be ruined and his accomplices would be sent to jail for what would seem to be a lifetime.

"Mr Burton," Steven greeted the two men. "Mr Spencer."

"Hello,I am Shawn and this is my friend Tony Stark." Shawn said.

"Shaaawn." Gus said, elbow jabbing Shawn.

Shawn rubbed the side of his shoulder with a soft 'ow'.

"What brings you here?" Steven asked.

"We, are, um," Gus tapped his fingers together. "Here for a engagement ring."

"For me and my boyfriend!" Shawn said,throwing his hands into the air excitedly.

"Uh huh," Steven said. Shawn lowered his arms. "So you two are planning to be engaged."

Steven was not phased by this. He had, ten years ago, over-reacted the first time a gay couple requested a set of rings. That made the store get sued and in exchange for the settlement he had to set aside his religious beliefs when in the store so other customers will not sue for a one point three million settlement. They had settled out of court, of course. The agreement with the Wilsons made it argumentatively clear that no one should be treated the way they were. Steven, however, actually thought the two men looked kind of cute together. Here he was sinning thinking of two men together as a union. This charade he has been throwing on has been making him soft toward sin. But wasn't everything a sin these days?

Gus's hands rolled up into a fist.

"I am not gay," Gus said,leaning his elbow on the table. "I am straight as a man can be."

"As in straight gay?" Steves asked.

"Straight _straight_." Gus said.

"Not even interested?" Steven asked.

"Over my dead body." Gus said.

Shawn shrugged as Steven looked in the direction of Shawn.

"That is what I said." Shawn said.

"His boyfriend is the head detective." Gus said.

"Mr Lassiter?" Steven asked. The name was vaguely familiar to him.

"Yeah, good old Lassie!" Shawn said.

"May god have mercy on his soul with you." Steven said, being terrified for the detective.

Who would want a Psychic for a _boyfriend_?

"I am pretty sure He does." Gus said.

"Anyway, we want the best of the best rings," Shawn said. "The biggest carat you got!"

"That would be ten thousand three hundred forty-three dollars." Steven said.

Shawn and Gus shared a brief glance then turned their attention toward Steven.

"Where is the restroom?" Gus asked.

"To the left, four doors down." Steven said.

"I can handle myself." Shawn said.

"You get man handled _every week_ by your boyfriend." Gus said.

"He loves me!" Shawn shot back as Gus headed down the hall. Shawn turned his head in the direction of Steven. "I engaged him with a toy ring. We need the actual engagement ring to make it official. The prettiest, biggest, squarest one you have."

"I have no idea what you are talking about." Steven said, as Gus went into the bathroom.

Shawn looked in both directions.

"I heard there is some nifty diamonds here," Shawn said. "Under the circumstance we are not here to investigate you. Just shopping. The ghost of Harvey Loswarld told me a big carat, fresh from his billionaire mansion, was stolen then taken here and repriced before the murders." Shawn met the eyes of Steven trailing his fingers on the counter. "I can turn you in if you don't comply."

"You're a psychic," Steven said. "And you don't have proof."

"I know what you did last summer," Shawn said, with a serious expression staring in Steven's direction. Steven gulped. "Have the diamond out when I come back at twelve forty-five."

"Proof?" Steven asked, again.

"Your girlfriend." Shawn said.

"You got it." Steven said.

Gus came down the hallway appearing to be pleased of himself and the door to the restroom closed.

"Your stalls need new toilet paper." Gus said.

"I will make sure to inform the janitor." Steven said.

"Let's go, Iron man!" Shawn took Gus by the shoulder and strolled their way out giving Steven a thumbs up. "I'll be back."

* * *

The diamond was set into the clutch of the ring. Damn did it pain to be folding in for a psychic. He was saving his ass and his numerous payers. He paced back and forth behind the counter biting his fingernails. How could he tell his customers that he had a psychic on his tail? Or he could get rid of him. Then both problems would be eliminated. His boyfriend wouldn't know nor would his friend. A hit man would do. He knew a hit man to help him take care of his problem.

But last time he did that, the hit man almost got caught by the police.

Almost.

Steven could do it himself.

But then again he was new at murder.

Targeting Psych headquarters. Steven came to a stop in his pacing. He could picture himself walking right into the headquarters,take his hidden gun out, fatally shoot the psychic thirteen times, and injure his friend Gus if he were there but not enough to kill him. After all the psychic could back stab Steven at any time after getting the ring. He could do it tomorrow. Walk out without being seen. Tonight he could kill his girlfriend so she would not spill the beans about his illegal stealing and selling of stolen diamonds.

 **Ring! Ring! Ring!**

Steven turned in the direction of the door rubbing his chin.

"I am back!" Shawn said.

In one arm Shawn had a pineapple and the other was interlocked with a rather pleased man who Steven had not seen before. Who was this man? His eyebrows furrowed. He looked vaguely familiar. Where had he seen this man before? Steven pictured him in various attires until he looked genuinely younger. He bought a ring here. That happy as hell expression on his face. The bright eyes. The excitement radiating off the man. Wait, this was someone who he had obviously been in the same perimeters.

"This is for you and your wife to be," Shawn said, putting the pineapple on the table. "The spirits tell me your girlfriend Sarah is serious."

"Sarah Fallery is serious as a grave." Steven said.

"Congratulations." Lassiter said.

"Who is he?" Steven said.

"My boyfriend, Lassie!" Shawn made Lassiter raise his hand up showing the toy ring. "Of course."

There was a white toy ring on Lassiters fourth finger.

"Shaaawn." Lassiter said.

"Caaarlton." Shawn echoed back, letting go of Lassiter's hand.

"We agreed not to lift my hand up without my permission." Lassiter said.

Shawn had a exasperated baffled look on his face.

"You lifted my hand off your shoulder." Shawn said.

Lassiter folded his arms.

"I respect my privacy." Lassiter said.

"You never told me about why you don't like being touched _in public_ with a man." Shawn said.

"I rather be making out with a mermaid then be touched by you," Lassiter said. "Mr Steven, do you have a ring that my partner has been gloating about for the past three hours?"

Steven had a soft laugh.

"Of course." Steven said, then he pointed down toward the shiny red diamond on the ring.

Lassiter's eyes boggled and he leaned down putting his hands on his knees which is what Shawn did. Shawn looked over the top fascinated about the diamond. Shawn's eyes were stuck on the diamond. A diamond that should be called a gem but it however had the shape of a diamond and the shine of a beautiful shy object. Lassiter was entranced by the object. There was a expression on his face that seemingly was conviction. Like Lassiter knew right then what he was doing was right.

"That will be nine hundred thirty-three dollars and forty-three cents." Steven said.

The two men straighten up with looks of disbelief.

"For a ring?" Lassiter asked, sounding surprised.

Shawn glared at the direction of Steven with a twitching eyebrow.

"No, for two rings." Steven said.

Lassiter rubbed his chin.

"We can take one for now," Lassiter said. "One that compliments my partners 'psychic' . . ."

"Aura." Shawn said, his arms folded.

"And his spirit guides 'aura's." Lassiter said.

"Uh huh." Steven said.

"Green would go marvelous with that suit, Lassie." Shawn said.

"Green?" Lassiter said. "Last time you said that I was covered in pickles, Shawn!" Shawn had a smile on his face. "I had to buy a new COPS shirt because of your sandwich mess." He glared back at the younger man. "And I had to buy myself new work clothes because you put the black with the white. You ruined my shirts."

"How was I supposed to know that the black shirts did not go in the same basket?" Shawn said.

Lassiter put one hand on his forehead with a sigh.

"You have no sense in doing laundry." Lassiter said.

Shawn brightened up.

"I can fold!" Shawn said.

"You could have put them into their own piles and done the white laundry, sweetheart." Lassiter said.

Steven had taken the ring out and put it into a small case.

"That will be three hundred forty-two." Steven said.

Shawn swiped the box from Steven then kneel before Lassiter and slid the box open.

"Carlton Lassiter," Shawn said. "Will you marry me?"

That was new.

Never,in Steven's career, had someone proposed to someone else in the store.

"Yes." Lassiter said.

Shawn slid the fake ring off Lassiter's finger then tossed it over his shoulder and slid the real ring on Lassiter's engagement ring finger. Lassiter's left hand traveled to the side of the young pseudo psychic and brought them into a kiss. Shawn guided Lassiter's hand to his ass. Then Lassiter carefully slid his hand off Shawn's ass. Lassie handed his credit card to Steven with his free hand. It appeared as though they were really into it. Steven wiped the card then handed it back to the detective.

The kissing seemed really _really_ passionate.

Shawn was the first to break it.

"That was . . ." Shawn said, seemingly breath taken. "Why have we not done this before?"

"Because I am a high esteemed, respectable detective and you are a annoying psychic." Lassiter said, his free left hand found its way to Shawn's right hand.

Shawn turned his head in the direction of Steven.

"Keep the pineapple," Shawn said. "It is a thank you gift. Use it as decor. Brighten up the place." Shawn put one hand on the side of his right temple leaning away from the detective. "The ghosts of your previous customers are complaining about the terrible yellow paint and mismatching frame decorations."

"I will make sure to change it up." Steven said.

Shawn and Lassiter had broken from their embrace now standing side by side, fingers interlocked into a grasp.

"Thank you," Lassiter said, wiggling his engagement finger. "It looks fitting on me."

Shawn grinned.

"It stands out more than green," Shawn said. "Doesn't it look like a bit like one of those smuggled gems made by blood money?"

"Blood money," Lassiter said. "I can't tell what is blood money without being given a picture." Steven turned pale as they turned away then started to head toward the exit. "There has to be people dying over the money to get them covered in blood."

Shawn leaned against the shoulder of Lassiter rubbing the side of the detectives arm.

"Why Lassie, you are a cuddly detective." Shawn said.

The pair went out the door with a sharp **ring** sound behind them.

* * *

Steven put two hundred thousand on his girlfriends head and ten thousand on Shawn's head as well. He was on a one man shift. And he knew the pattern of customers coming in like a chart of product being bought. They appeared normally in the afternoon. The customers that came in noted the pine apple and then they started to discard other things. Hats, two plastic plants, and a replica of a decorative ring attached to the wall by metal, and then a group of painters came in saying that they had been hired by Steven. Which he did not. It became apparent one of the customers had ordered a paintjob on Steven's behalf.

When the work hours came to a close, the wall had the design of a pineapple.

They were fast and efficient at what they did.

Steven had to chalk up fourteen hundred dollars for the new paint job.

Within an afternoon the inside of the jewelry store appeared better than it did previously.

Steven turned the closed sign around on the door at eight forty-three PM. His customers would be here at any moment. He didn't need to lock the doors. Steven knew the streets well. Steven and his boss Charlie Connor were in this from the beginning. Charlie got fifty-eight percent and he was happy with that. What Charlie didn't get is what Steven would get. Charlie had just returned from a vacation in Las Vegas. Charlie came into the room appearing to be disgruntled.

"Where is the red diamond?" Charlie asked.

"About that." Steven said, turning away from the door sheepishly.

Charlie put his hands on his hips glaring at Steven.

"You gave it to our competitor?" Charlie asked.

"Better than that." Steven said.

Charlie's nostrils flared.

"YOU GAVE THE RED DIAMOND TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND?" Charlie roared. "YOU ARE AN IDIOT!"

"I did not!" Steven said. "You are the misguided idiot in this room!"

"You know how I hate guessing!" Charlie said.

"I gave it to the psychic," Steven said. "The Spencer one, in exchange that he would not blab about our fortune to any one anytime soon."

"Psychics are frauds, you fool!" Charlie said. "He is going to tell the detective!"

"He won't," Steven said. "I made sure of it."

"How sure are you?" Charlie asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Enough that in exactly fourteen minutes he will be killed by a hit man." Steven said.

"Customers will be coming in fourteen minutes," Charlie said. "And when I return with them I expect to find all the decoration gone save for that pineapple."

"As you wish." Steven said, as Charlie disappeared down the hall.

Steven's shoulders sulked. He could not get rid of the paint job or the metal ring. The paint job eerily reminded him of Spongebob Square Pants Pineapple residence. If it had been painted the inside of the cartoon characters home that would been creepy and very unlike a professional store. The mere thought of a children's cartoon character made Steven feel stupid. And depressed about meeting a psychic who had leverage over him. Good thing Steven hadn't told Charlie that the head detective was with the psychic. He could mention to him years afterwards when they are both billionaires and don't need to sell fake diamonds and trade diamonds for real money. Steven then proceeded to get rid of what he could minus the pineapple into the closet.

Steven sat down into a chair combing through his hair then he took out his phone.

Sarah was going to be shot dead an hour after the psychic.

No loose threads.

Which was exactly what he and Charlie needed.

Usually after a dealing he would go home, fall onto the bed, and fall asleep. He was craving the luxury of the bed. But since his home would be a active crime scene he had to get a hotel room from a motel nearby. Steven had a bad feeling about tonight. His feet tapped on the rug nervously. Some of the men who bought their diamonds and gave them their diamonds were men that should not be left alone with a given young couple in a warehouse. He decided to set up the new diamonds that hadn't been exposed by the psychic which were also ready for the transaction. The diamonds were on the table shining. He could trust the hit man. This was a professional. Someone who had years of experience behind them. This was not the same hit man who he had hired earlier.

Steven could find another girlfriend.

And not bring her into the fold of what was really going on.

It was a mistake to bring Sarah into the dealings.

She was eight months and three weeks pregnant. He was going to engage to her next week but plans had been changed. He returned the diamond into the collection of stolen diamonds. They were in different colors other than white-ish blue. They were in each different sizes. They would be put into various kind of jewelry or hidden somewhere or something else. The customers did not specify what they would do with the diamonds. Steven pictured they decorated their homes in diamonds from the chandelier to the mirror. Including the rail leading up the staircase. The baby wouldn't be a problem nor would child support. So he could look forward to that. No Psychic. No girlfriend to rat him out. Things were going good.

The sound of the X-Files tune came to when 'new text message' popped up.

He pressed okay and read the text.

 _R8GR_ : Done.

A smile grew on Steven's face.

"We have the best diamonds on the market here," Charlie's voice trailed from the doorway. "The best of the best. You can get your girlfriend a shoe covered in them with these and satisfy her diamond thirst for the week."

"Oh, it seems my girlfriend would love it." Came a British voice.

Steven got upright from the chair then came to the hallway where he saw two familiar men. His face turned white and his face became full of horror. The two men seemed to be quite frankly alive rather than the opposite. Incomplete words started to stutter out of Steven's voice. These two were in disguises of the sorts. Shawn had on a long coat with a furry stuff scarf around his neck and he had on a pair of sunglasses. Gus was in flashy attire that sparkled and shined in the light.

Shawn had on a wig as did Gus.

Steven was pointing at the two.

"Stop pointing at the DeGarzeniez Cartel," Charlie said. "That is rude of you."

"B-bu-but." Steven said.

"No stuttering,Andy." Charlie said.

"How much do these diamonds cost?" Shawn asked, in his best fake British accent.

"Thirty two thousand," Charlie said. "Your friend Anthony Stark seems to not speak a lot."

"He is a mute." Shawn said.

Gus glared in the direction of Shawn.

"He is deaf," Shawn said, tapping his fingers together. "But not mute."

"I would prefer if you categorized the diamonds in the order you retrieved them from and where they came from." Gus said in a high pitch voice.

"Yes, Mr Stark." Charlie said.

Charlie and Steven faced the row of diamonds. Charlie took a little pen out and notepad. By the sizes they knew where they had stolen them from respectively. They were stolen in various fashions such as stealing, breaking and entering, and pretending to borrow the jewelry then replacing them with pasta jewelry. Steven's hand was trembling as he jotted down the addresses and the name of the thieves they had often relied on. He was scared. Very scared. Something did not feel right. He looked over to the pineapple having a strange feeling there was something in it watching him.

Charlie and Steven stepped aside.

"They look marvelous!" Gus said.

"You have a lot of revenue for a jewelry store." Shawn said.

"It is not a jewellery story," Steven said. "It is the middle man house."

"What he means to say is that we are the middle men in between the feet and the head of the operation," Steven walked to the side then came to the drawer to the corner of the counter. His eyes were stuck on the psychic. "We have other customers who will be here in the next five minutes to look over these diamonds and lay their best bet at it."

"Others?" Shawn raised his voice. "YOU! SAID! WE! WERE! THE! ONLY! ONES! COMING!"

"That I did but you came to me at the last minute, senior." Charlie said.

Steven slowly drifted out the gun from the drawer then hid it behind his back.

"My partner is obviously new at these dealings," A high pitched Gus explained. "He is a recent partner. He has Asperger's, excuse him for being wanting to know everything including anything about your schedule." He stepped in the way in-between the two men. "My partner flirts with anyone in his field of peripheral vision except for family and married folk."

"This is not acceptable!" Shawn flailed his arms. "We were supposed to be the only ones _here_."

"Mr Senior," Charlie said. "Please make your move."

"Well, that is going to cost me a million dollars." Shawn said, with a sharp whistle.

"A million dollars. . ." Charlie said,his eyes glistening. "I do not intend for there to be any further bets until company has arrived."

"Why that is pleasing to hear," Shawn said. "I shall hand sign with my partner regarding our placement."

Instead of standing there doing hand signs both men went down the hall and into the closet. Charlie had a bewildered expression on his face glancing over in the direction of Steven outright confused. Why would their customers go into the closet? Shawn had just got engaged with the lead detective Lassiter. Charlie shook his head then took out a bottle of water and took several sips. Steven had drank three sodas and had one take out for dinner.

The door opened numerous times letting in two large groups. After two minutes the unusual pairing of Shawn and Gus came out of the bathroom rather than the closet. How did they get from closet to the bathroom? That was a question that would likely never get answered. The two men were laughing. Charlie was gesturing over to the diamonds, touching them one by one, highlighting them and personifying them in any god way a dealer would do. Prying on the men and women's inner sympathy. The two men's laughter came to a stop when Shawn came to the crowded doorway where he could see a deadly look of intent on Steven's face.

"Who wants pineapple cake?" Shawn asked, loudly. "I am asking, once, twice, and-"

"SHUT UP, Psychic!" Steven said, taking the gun from behind his back.

Steven was able to make the gun shot. Shawn heard the gun shot and next thing the man knew he was forced down to the floor by a hundred sixty some pound man acting as a shield followed by a high pitch scream. Shawn heard a loud familiar shout "SBPD, FREEZE!" through the room. There was gun fire exchanged followed by thuds, grunts, and cursing. Shawn opened his eyes after the gun fire ended then looked over his shoulder to see Gus on the floor cluching on the side of his chest.

"Gus!" Shawn shouted, this time without the accent.

"This is Carlton Lassiter and we have ten people in need of hospitalization," Lassiter said. "I am at Lexsworth Street 58074 inside Charlie and Steven's Jewlery store." Shawn took off the scarf then applied it to Gus's flesh injury. "I am the police! And we have plenty of back up. We just need the ambulance. Step on it."

Shawn turned Gus over.

"Ow." Gus winced.

"Hang on, buddy." Shawn said. "Stick with me."

"Shawn, I am not going undercover with you on a mission involving the cartel's again." Gus said.

"You mean going undercover at a jewelry store," Shawn said. "Yeah, that can be arranged."

"Good," Gus said. "Because when I get back from the hospital we are going on a _Star Trek_ marathon."

Shawn nodded.

"Yes, we are. After your injury is not a threat." Shawn said.

"Remember that scene where Spock was dying from radiation. . ." Gus said.

"Don't compare that to this! You are not dying on me! You are not going to die on me, Gus!" Shawn said. "We promised to not die before the other. We die from old age, with grandchildren all around us, and and and and and your magic head covered in white hair."

"I wasn't comparing it to this," Gus said. "I was . . I was going to say . . . That if I died then you better travel the galaxy for me and bring me back. I don't have a girlfriend. And I need to have at least one before I die."

Shawn nodded.

"I would go Doctor Frankenstine to keep that." Shawn said.

"I know you will," Gus said. "Because I will always be your friend in any walk of life."

Lassiter came over.

"The ambulance are coming." Lassiter said.

"Thank you, Lassiter." Shawn said, applying pressure.

Juliet was towing Steven out of the building.

"YOU ARE ENGAGED, I SAW THE PSYCHIC PROPOSE, I SAW HIM PROPOSE!" Steven hollered.

"That was all fake." Juliet said, guiding Steven toward the doors a bit with a shoulder injury.

Gus closed his eyes then when he reopened the pair of eyes, he was being lifted into the ambulance with Shawn by his side assuring that he would be there every step of the way and be there in the morning. For being a pharmaceuticals representative he was aware that the hospital would do their very best to make sure he was not in pain with the best medicine. He knew that well. Lassiter followed shortly into the ambulance unexpectedly. There was a look of guilt in the man's eyes followed by fear. Shawn appeared to be scared. The doors to the ambulance closed. The paramedics were taking turns keeping large puff balls on Gus's injury and sedating him partially for the ride.

"I should not have let you easily get undercover." Lassiter said.

"Don't blame yourself," Shawn said. "I would have done it anyway."

"Shawn, I am feeling numb." Gus said.

The paramedic injected Gus with a needle.

"Hang on there, buddy." Shawn said.

"You know, getting rid of the taste of your tongue in my mouth is going to take forever to get out."

"Actually," Shawn said. "I am not going to get rid of your taste."

"You are gay?" Lassiter asked, in shock.

"I don't know. This is new. Maybe I go both ways." Shawn said.

"I am not gay." Lassiter said.

Shawn ignored that last comment from Lassiter.

"Thanks for being my first." Shawn said, with a look of gratitude on his face.

"We are not in a relationship." Lassiter said.

"I didn't ask." Shawn's eyes widened. "Wait, are you asking me, Lassie, to be really in a relationship with you while my friend is fighting for his life?"

Lassiter did not need to hesitate.

"No." Lassiter said.

"If there is a Law and Order marathon on when I wake up. . . Can you change it to some other good movie, Shawn?" Gus asked. "I don't want that tune on repeat."

"You got it, Gus." Shawn said, squeezing Gus's hand.

Gus closed his eyes.

"Gus? Gus!" Shawn shook his friend. "GUS!"

One of the paramedics looked over hearing a wail coming from the machine. The paramedic leaned over then attempted to restart Gus's heart. Lassiter kept Shawn back as the young man was pleading his best friend to stay making a fair share of references, "I would be McCoyless without you! There wouldn't be a reporter Jimmy making sure our Louise Lane and Clark Kent stayed together! We haven't got connected pools yet! You are to young to die!" The wail from the machine continued for another two minutes. And then Shawn was a mess of tears. Lassiter let go of Shawn as only gibberish came out that sounded like "Gus." in-between sobs. Suddenly, the heart restarted itself.

"Gus!" Shawn said, his attitude had jumped from sorrowful to joyful.

One of the paramedics put a mask on Gus's face.

"I will be here for you as a friend." Lassiter said, putting one hand on Shawn's shoulder.

Shawn's face brightened up briefly which easily read " _LASSIE! FACE! WANTS! TO! BE! MY! FRIEND! VICTOOORRY IS MINE!_ " then it returned to a look of gratitude. Shawn's hands were covered in blood. Both of them. His wrists were covered in Gus's blood. His hand was trembling. Lassiter sat by Shawn's side even when the ambulance came to a stop at the doors to the emergency room. The door paramedics opened the door where a bright light engulfed the scene briefly and then Gus was lifted out of the ambulance.

 **The End**.


End file.
